Why It Feels So Personal: Understanding RSD and Taking Back Control - with Suzi Payton
- Martin Bunker
- Jul 1
- 4 min read
Updated: Jul 10
Recently, my fellow Coach, Brightonian and friend, Suzi Payton, hosted a really practical and insightful Webinar, on “Why It Feels So Personal: Understanding RSD and Taking Back Control”.
This was organised by the amazing charity I have volunteered for many years for, ADHD Aware.
Understanding RSD and how it affects Neurodivergent Individuals
ADHD is a complex neurodevelopmental condition, marked by symptoms such as inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. Many people do not realize that ADHD rarely appears alone. Research shows that approximately 50% of individuals with ADHD also struggle with anxiety disorders. Additionally, studies indicate that around 30% experience depression.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is one of the most misunderstood — yet most impactful — aspects of living with ADHD (NDs). For many neurodivergent people, emotional experiences hit harder, faster, and deeper than those around them realise. A passing comment can feel like a personal attack. A neutral expression can feel like disapproval. A small mistake can spiral into shame.
In this Webinar , Suzi Payton offered a compassionate, practical, and deeply validating exploration of RSD: what it is, why it happens, and how NDs can reclaim agency over their emotional world.
This session resonated with so many attendees because it didn’t pathologise sensitivity — it honoured it. And it didn’t promise to “fix” RSD — it offered tools to navigate it with self‑respect and clarity.
What Is RSD — and Why Does It Feel So Intense?
Suzi began by grounding the conversation in lived experience. RSD isn’t simply “taking things personally.” It’s a neurological and emotional response shaped by:
ADHD brain wiring, including differences in emotional regulation and threat perception
A lifetime of criticism, misunderstanding, or masking, which primes the nervous system to expect rejection
Heightened empathy and sensitivity, which can amplify emotional cues
Dopamine‑driven reward pathways, making approval feel vital and disapproval feel catastrophic
RSD can show up as:
Feeling devastated by perceived criticism
Avoiding situations where rejection might happen
People‑pleasing or over‑apologising
Sudden emotional overwhelm
Shame spirals after small mistakes
Relationship tension due to misinterpreted cues
Suzi emphasised that RSD is not a character flaw. It’s a trauma‑informed, neurobiological response — and understanding it is the first step toward changing the relationship we have with it.
The “Threat Brain” and Why ADHD Amplifies It
One of the most powerful parts of the webinar was Suzi’s explanation of the threat response. For ADHDers, the brain can misread social cues as danger, triggering:
Fight
Flight
Freeze
Fawn
This isn’t overreacting — it’s the nervous system trying to protect you.
Suzi highlighted how NDs often live in a state of anticipatory threat, scanning for signs of rejection before it even happens. This can make everyday interactions feel loaded, unpredictable, or exhausting.
Understanding this mechanism helps shift the narrative from “I’m too sensitive” to “My brain is trying to keep me safe.”
Taking Back Control: Tools Suzi Shared
The heart of the webinar focused on practical, compassionate strategies for managing RSD. Suzi offered tools that empower NDs to respond rather than react.
1. Naming the Experience
Simply recognising “This is RSD” can interrupt the spiral. Naming it creates distance and reduces shame.
2. Checking the Story
ADHD brains fill in gaps quickly — often with worst‑case scenarios. Suzi encouraged attendees to ask:
What evidence do I actually have?
Is this a fact or a fear?
3. Nervous System Regulation
RSD is a physiological event. Techniques like:
breathwork
grounding
sensory soothing
movement can help bring the body out of threat mode.
4. Reframing Rejection
Suzi explored how rejection often feels global (“I’m not good enough”) rather than specific (“This situation didn’t go how I hoped”). Reframing helps reduce emotional intensity.
5. Boundaries and Self‑Compassion
RSD thrives in environments where people‑pleasing is the norm. Suzi encouraged:
saying no without apology
pausing before responding
giving yourself permission to take space
Perhaps the most important message: you don’t have to navigate RSD alone. Peer support, coaching, therapy, and neurodivergent‑affirming spaces can transform how we relate to our emotions.
Why This Webinar Matters
RSD is rarely discussed in clinical settings, yet it shapes relationships, work, self‑esteem, and daily life for countless NDs.
Suzi Payton’s webinar offered something many people have never been given:
language for their experience
validation for their emotional world
tools that actually work for ND brains
hope that sensitivity can be a strength, not a burden
For many attendees, the session felt like being seen for the first time.
Personal Reflection and Key Takeaways
RSD can make life feel personal in ways that are overwhelming — but it can also make connection, empathy, creativity, and passion feel deeply meaningful. Suzi’s message was clear: your sensitivity is not the problem. The problem is the shame you’ve been taught to carry.
By understanding RSD, we can begin to reclaim our emotional landscape, respond with intention, and build relationships rooted in clarity rather than fear.
This webinar wasn’t just informative — it was empowering!
To watch the full Webinar, click link below: (2808) Why It Feels So Personal: Understanding RSD and Taking Back Control - YouTube
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